what had happened........it was like something someone else was in control of me. You .....you can work really hard and plan stuff and go through this whole process, but other times well I just plunge ahead into something of course I had no idea what I was getting into. I didn't know what I was doing period. Now I know. What really.....I mean something that was pretty minute that I didn't think anyone would notice he saw. Anyway......well........I can't say I'm not affected by this. It has really shaken me up. But I kept going back. I believed absolutely in what I was doing. That is why I went through what I did. It was very awkward at first and there was no one I knew who was doing the same....but something in me....it was like I had to.
But still. Something else was building up in me. It was red hot .........I mean in every sense of the word. If it wasn't love at first site, it was definitely lust. I didn't know who he was but I just sensed it. I mean that sounds so cheesy......but immediately BAM it hit me. But it made me uncomfortable. It was too intimate. I don't seek out this kind of attention from people, from strangers. I don't go out of my way to provoke others. I'd rather avoid somebody than face them. A part of me was afraid of him another part of me wanted him. Rather savagely.
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