Delusion Revision 3/31/11

I redid what I had written a year ago. I totally forgot about this ....that was crazy stuff! This is better if not perfect







getting it this time
you can be
this time
getting it you will be
there will be another
that I found
that I lived
that I hurt and breathed and bathed


this time you can laugh
this time



you're getting a dish
you're getting it
sour sweet


it's the one thing you can't buy
the one thing
the one thing


all this time it was you you on top of me
all this time
there's smoke it's coming from you
there's a fire I am next to it
they will try there will be more
you will lose then come up again
I am underground
he's on top
I am under him
he's on top

oh la green

oh la green, I do not
I do not I do not

oh la green I do not

Stars and love and death

I recommend listening to Sasha and Digweed: Age of Love or Dj Sasha Coma while reading this.






all 3 of us ha! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! holy trinity? ??????????????????????? hehe he will love me or I will
jump off this bridge
he will want me to love him
or jump off this bridge







love me or I will kill myself if I don't get him I will commit suicide commit suicide I will fucking commit suicide I will commit suicide I will commit suicide dropped my Venus comb comb turns into a tomb you will love me or I will die the day of day of day of day of day of day of tell yourself that keep telling yourself that flowers flowers please don't make me hang myself HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH don't make me do it HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH don't make me hang myself he will love me or I will die he will love me or I will die he will love me or I will die jump over the broom clean my room clean my room again again he will love me or I will die he will love me or I will die roses have thorns and have pricked me pricked me I will cut myself open with it bleed in a Paris tub a bath of rose petals a bath he he he he he will love me or I will die I am in white oh lovely white oh don't make me commit suicide I dropped my comb jumped over a broom she did it on that day then I was stung she did it on that day then I dropped a comb he will love me or I will die don't make me do it oh cleaned my room jumped over the broom the bride and the groom so white so moonly white so white don't be afraid nothing, nothing, nothing will jump out he will love me or I will die oh moon, moon a la pink and oh it was white, when it was it was white, so white, so white..............


and it flew so gently in that wind I jumped over the broom but you know it got red oh too red you shouldn't have made it that way you shouldn't have..........


her dress was pink so sad she had to lose her head dress was pink so sad he drove too carelessly oh that white when it was it was white snow white.......


and her dress was pink but the skull was white the dress was pink her hair was white.......

oh luna! what are they afraid of? why do you twist us this way.....why do you?

oh when it was, white light shiny.......dress was pink so sad she had to lose her head.....all cause of her silly boyfriend........


a la pink....a la white........that I'm on this broom tonight! and her was white, it was white......the H was pink but her hair was white.......I'm on this broom tonight oh so light.....the sky light........

columbus circle

it puts me in this horrible position
they do not deserve forgiveness
but to be hateful....even to those who have been that way to me
i have no choice, no choice at all
i can forgive a person but i cannot ever return to them
i don't know what will ever make up for what they did
i don't think anything ever will
so do not ask me back
do not offer anything
i have no choice, it's horrible
horrible beyond all measure
they don't see, the gravity of it cannot be measured
and it's their fault, their fault entirely and the fact that
because of them i have to bring out such an ugly part of myself, simply to preserve and protect myself from them
is so severely heinous on their part
so dramatically and horrifically disgusting of them
I .....

On Fri, May 28, 2010 at 10:25 AM, Ariel Rust wrote:

hurts, you know.
it's so hard to forgive I need things love
i should hate I did hate them so much
with all my heart I hated some and
it's very sad.....but someone who continues to
ignore the boundaries that you put out.....
I mean I have love in my heart even
to those who don't deserve it.
and they ......many of them do NOT deserve
my love compassion or forgiveness, not after what they've done
they've done so much irreparable damage. and they
simply don't see it.
you state your boundaries clearly and someone continues to walk over them and disrespect them
sadly, it leaves me no option other than to cut ties
I did hate them, some of them I hated so much
it was overwhelming, I was choking on it
but I won't sink to their level cliche that that is it's so true
I swore that I was never, ever going to forgive them
they, I repeat, they do NOT deserve my forgiveness
someone who loves you can hurt
but they continue to do it and don't stop no matter
what you tell them and it hurts me
I still do love some of them
but I.....if I am not going to be trampled on......
am forced to take drastic measures to protect myself and it
tears me apart hurts me but I simply have no choice
if only I could cut out that part of my heart and self that loves
I mean they say they love me and beg me for forgiveness and love
if they had any idea what hell they put me through maybe they'd understand
you say over and over what is not acceptable
they've done so much hurt so many the damage is irreparable
after the pure horror that I endured so much of the time it is immeasurable
and they simply do not see what they have done, what they inflicted on me and the severity of it

that .....is what is unforgivable. it doesn't matter how well intentioned they are.