columbus circle

it puts me in this horrible position
they do not deserve forgiveness
but to be hateful....even to those who have been that way to me
i have no choice, no choice at all
i can forgive a person but i cannot ever return to them
i don't know what will ever make up for what they did
i don't think anything ever will
so do not ask me back
do not offer anything
i have no choice, it's horrible
horrible beyond all measure
they don't see, the gravity of it cannot be measured
and it's their fault, their fault entirely and the fact that
because of them i have to bring out such an ugly part of myself, simply to preserve and protect myself from them
is so severely heinous on their part
so dramatically and horrifically disgusting of them
I .....

On Fri, May 28, 2010 at 10:25 AM, Ariel Rust wrote:

hurts, you know.
it's so hard to forgive I need things love
i should hate I did hate them so much
with all my heart I hated some and
it's very sad.....but someone who continues to
ignore the boundaries that you put out.....
I mean I have love in my heart even
to those who don't deserve it.
and they ......many of them do NOT deserve
my love compassion or forgiveness, not after what they've done
they've done so much irreparable damage. and they
simply don't see it.
you state your boundaries clearly and someone continues to walk over them and disrespect them
sadly, it leaves me no option other than to cut ties
I did hate them, some of them I hated so much
it was overwhelming, I was choking on it
but I won't sink to their level cliche that that is it's so true
I swore that I was never, ever going to forgive them
they, I repeat, they do NOT deserve my forgiveness
someone who loves you can hurt
but they continue to do it and don't stop no matter
what you tell them and it hurts me
I still do love some of them
but I.....if I am not going to be trampled on......
am forced to take drastic measures to protect myself and it
tears me apart hurts me but I simply have no choice
if only I could cut out that part of my heart and self that loves
I mean they say they love me and beg me for forgiveness and love
if they had any idea what hell they put me through maybe they'd understand
you say over and over what is not acceptable
they've done so much hurt so many the damage is irreparable
after the pure horror that I endured so much of the time it is immeasurable
and they simply do not see what they have done, what they inflicted on me and the severity of it

that .....is what is unforgivable. it doesn't matter how well intentioned they are.